No Logic
by SecretsAren'tTold
Summary: Basically this is a fanfiction with no logic (surprise!) It starts off with Dean and Cas in a bar getting drinks. They go back to the motel room. At one point Dean mistakenly thinks Sam is into him. And just basically it has Dean saying "no homo" and a very confused Cas.


**First, I'd like to say I love Sam, Dean, Cas and Supernatural and this is just a joke story that I made to amuse myself at 3 in the morning with nothing to do and I planned on deleting it afterwards, but then I thought, what the heck, and so here it is...**

"One more shot and then we are going home," Dean, drunk off his ass said, placing his hand on Castiel's leg, letting it slid slightly higher, but not high enough that Dean would come off as gay for the angel.

"Dean, why is your hand in my pants?" Cas asked in confusion, looking down at where Dean's hand disappeared into his pants. Cas could feel Dean's fingers stroking him. "What happened to personal space?" Cas was confused because he had just gotten use to the idea that humans needed personal space, but now Dean was invading his. What did this mean?

"Cas," Dean said after taking his last shot, leaning in close to Cas' ear. "Take me home," with that Dean drew slightly back before leaning in and kissing Cas right on the lips.

"I thought you weren't gay?" Cas asked confused, as Dean had once told him he wasn't into men when Cas had tried to kiss him. Of course then Cas had explained that he wasn't a man, he was a celestial being and didn't have a gender, but Dean wasn't having it.

"Oh right, um, no homo."

"I don't understand that reference," Cas once again, as always, was confused.

"No it's not – I'm just saying if I say no homo then it's not gay."

"Oh. Oh ok," Cas smiled and nodded, but secretly he thought Dean was an idiot. Dean didn't have to say "No homo" for kissing Cas, it was already obvious that Dean wasn't a homosexual. If Dean was, Cas would know it. For surely the one who gripped him tight and raised him from perdition would know these things, like Dean's sexuality and the fact that Dean was one hundred percent gay.

Cas looked down at the shot in his hand. "Dean...I…I think I may be getting overly attached and –" Cas looked up to see Dean's lips pressed up against the male bartender's mouth.

"Get off! I'm not fucking gay you prick!" The bartender shouted, shoving away Dean.

"Oh no," Cas placed a hand over the bartender's hand. "I assure you, Dean is not gay either." And after reassuring the guy, Cas tapped Dean's forehead and not long they were back in the motel room.

Sam was – well who cares where Sam was as long as Dean and Cas got it on and he wasn't around to interrupt. Sam was only useful later in the story when Dean would be trying to keep his feeling at bay and Sam would be there with the wise words of a moose and send Dean in the right direction, which wasn't straight, any direction Dean took would be better as long as it's not a straight one.

"Destiel!" Came a shout as if from a distance, but it was ignored by the two men.

"You ready to dirty up the sheets Cas?" Dean murmured as he started to kiss him. Cas kissed him back, but pulled back to say, "Why would I want to dirty up the sheets?"

"Oh," Dean blinked, pulling back. "Sorry man, I thought we were both on board with the idea of having sex."

"Yes Dean, I do want to have intercourse with you that leads to you having a gay crisis and a panic attack that will be soothed over once we have more intercourse." Cas squinted his eyes as Dean.

Dean stood still for a minute, confused and then realization hit him. "Oh, ok then!" He said happily, glad that Cas, oh Cas, Cas, Cas, Dean's nerdy little angel, Cas also wanted to have sex with him too.

Fireballs exploded behind his eyes as he leaned in to kiss Cas and even though he was old enough now that he had utter and complete control over his dick, it didn't stop him from creaming in his pants like a blushing red hot teenage boy going through puberty, getting touched for the first time while having a raging hard on, in the girls bathroom, by another guy who was touching himself while wearing red shoes, and later Dean would remember it as the Great Escape because a total evil bitch whore named Ruby upon seeing Dean being openly gay in the closed confines of a girl's bathroom, will scream and chase him out the bathroom, oh how it started off good, so good with the promises of tongue, but ended up twisted, like Ruby always does, just goes and twists everything into something bad, but anyways the details didn't matter… 

But yes, the simple knowledge that Cas wanted to have sex with him, had him coming, while he was fully dressed. "The things you do to me Cas," Dean breathed, head still a little fuzzy from drinking, but thank god, a cold breeze hit him, sobering him up enough that it wouldn't be considered rape if a sober Cas slept with him, but it didn't sober him up enough that the thought of having sex with another man was horrifying. 

Ah, those cold breezes, always comes in handy for whenever the moment is about to be ruined with Dean's overly drunkenness and Cas soberness.

"Dean, are you ready to actually have intercourse, or are you finished for the night? You know I would do anything to make you happy. Even though I am an Angel of the Lord and for an angel to lie with a man – or a woman, just for an angel to lie with a human is an abomination, but don't fear, I do not care about that, yes I know I have these, 'Daddy issues'," Cas air quotes. "But my reasons for wanting to 'make you happy'," Cas air quoted, "don't have anything at all to do with the fact that Father, 'abandoned me'," Cas air quoted yet again, Heaven knows why…or not. "Yes, the feeling I have for you, one of my Father's precious, adorable creations, have nothing to do with the fact that I just want to feel close to him again, like we once were, it seems like it was only a thousand years ago that I was born and never met him," Cas sighed, looking over and staring at the wall as if he was remembering something. 

"Cas, what the hell are you talking about man? I don't care about any of that. I just want to have mindless, very detailed sex and then later cry about it like a virgin after sex."

"I don't understand that reference Dean, but yes, let us get on with the sex."

"Um, guys? Gonna have to stop you there," Sam, larger than life – hahahaa, no just kidding, he's only as tall as the Eiffel fucking Tower – said from where he sat on the second bed in the room.

"Sam? Is that you?!" Dean was in shock, that much Cas could see, but he did not understand how Dean couldn't recognize his brother.

"Oh right," Cas pulled out a pair of glasses from his pocket and handed it to Dean.

Dean slipped them on and blinked as he looked at Sam. "When did you get here?"

"When did you start wearing glasses?" Sam asked confused.

"Oh, well I guess the writer of this train wreck wanted to add you in, but couldn't think of any good reason as to why we wouldn't have been able to see you while me and Cas had the most awkward, ridiculous, and stupidest conversation known to peoplekind."

"Why couldn't I have just walked through the front door and catch you in the act or something?"

"Because!" Dean through up his hands. "That's too predictable! C'mon on Sam!"

"What about Cas?! He can see fine! There is just too many plot holes!" Sam made his bitch face number three hundred, twenty seven and a half, point zero zero four. (327 ½.004)

Dean rolled his eyes. "Fuckface!" Dean insulted Sam, just because he could.

"Don't you mean bitch? Or jerk?"

"Yeah, you're those things too," Dean said, as smooth as ever.

Castiel heaved a big sigh. "I'm confused and don't understand why I haven't been able to have sex yet."

"Because I'm right here!" Sam shouted like it should be obvious.

"Oh, right," Cas looked like he finally understands. "You want me to come over there with you and have sex or do you want to come over here and have sex?"

"What? NO! Ok…" Sam stood up and set down the book he had been reading and then he set down the other book in his other hand that he had been reading.

In the distance there is a shout of "Sastiel!" In which everyone in the room ignores.

"Well that was easy," Dean commented.

"Yeah, well you don't get to have all the fun!" Sam shoot back, making his way to Cas.

"Wait! You can't have him! He's my angel!"

"You could both have me," Cas suggested as he snapped his fingers and they were all naked. "I honestly don't care, I just want to pop my cherry, as Dean says and let's get this sex on the street."

"Wincestial!" Came that same goddamn shout. Ugh, it was so annoying, like a fucking bug buzzing around a person's ear.

"You mean on the road?" Sam asked, his bitch face number fifty eight and three quarters on his face.

"It's just a saying Sam, I don't actually want to have sex out in the street, or road as you prefer to call it."

Sam through up his gigantic arms in the air and because he is a giant, the back of his wrists hit the ceiling. Sam sighed.

"Oh Cas," Dean said dreamily. "Don't worry me and Sam here are going to take care of you real good."

"Dean, I'm not having sex with you," Sam says and on his face Dean can read that even though Sam was his brother, Sam was struggling, for a long time, since he was twenty five months old, with the fact that he had wanted Dean, in a way a brother shouldn't want a brother. Dean looks into Sam's eyes and can just tell that it's killing him that his big brother has been sluttying it up all over town and hasn't gotten to be able to tell Dean, "No Dean, don't have sex with that girl, or that guy who you tried sneaking out secretly to have sex with, have sex with me Dean, have sex with me."

"Oh Sammy, I'm here," Dean rushed forward and gripped his big brother. (Oops, edit, sorry, little brother.)

"Finally! Now the sex begins!" Cas muttered, sitting back on the bed, waiting for one or both of the brothers to come over and fuck him already. "You hear that FATHER?! I'm going to have sex with the Righteous Man and his abomination of a brother! DO you love me now!?" Cas shouted up at the roof as he sobbed.

Sam and Dean ignored Cas, because he was Cas and Cas was always cryptic and weird about showing his emotions.

"What the fuck Dean?!" Sam shoved Dean back. "I'm not having sex with my brother! That's fucking disgusting." Sam looked flustered as he shook his head. "Just eww! Eww!" Sam shivered as if he was disgusted, but Dean knew it was because of that damn cold breeze that just wasn't going away! What the fuck was that?

Dean looked over and jumped in shock. Right there in the middle of the room was Crowley, eating a bowl of popcorn as he watched Sam, Cas and Dean.

"Wincestialley!" The shouts come again and are once again ignored.

"I'm an emotional compromised teenage girl!" Cas sobbed on. "I don't understand that reference, but I saw it on the television and the guy who said it looked extremely distressed, which I am!"

"What is he even saying? The lad is just so hard for me to read!" Crowley said around a mouth full of popcorn.

"Right?!" Dean said. "But wait, why are you here?"

"Squirrel, I've been here the whole time, I waved at you and everything when you and Cas popped into the room."

"Ohh, no you see I didn't have a glasses on when you were – yeah…" Dean broke off awkwardly. Dean looked over at Cas and realized for the first time since meeting Cas about fifty years ago – it seems like – that he was utterly in love with the blued eyed angel.

"Cas," he whispered as he jumped into bed with the angel.

Afterwards they were very sweaty and extremely sticky.

"So, did we have the sex?" Cas asked confused.

"I don't know, it wasn't very detailed, I never can tell unless there is a lot of detail."

"You did, you guys literally just had sex with us in the room," Sam said, holding a green bucket that he was puking into.

"Oh Sam," Dean shook his head, knowing Sam was sick from seeing the love of his life, Dean Winchester, his older brother, having sex with another man. It was obviously killing Sam inside. "You and me…we couldn't have worked out."

Sam scrunched up his face and continues to puke into the bucket.

Dean feels a kick in his belly. "Cas!" Dean says in amazement.

"Do you have to shout Dean? I'm right here next to you."

"Cas, I – I think I'm pregnant!"

"Dean, that's impossible. Unless…did you grow a vagina?"

"Cas, my love for you made it possible to get pregnant, our love, between and angel and a human, it's a strong bond. I love you. Oh and no homo of course."

Cas cocked his head to the side. "Of course Dean, only in an alternative universe where things made sense would be you gay."

"Son of a bitch!" Dean shouted.

"What's the probably now?" Crowley piped up, rolling his eyes. "Let me guess, it has something to do with Sam?"

"No, all my problems don't have to be because Sam is in trouble," Dean snorted as Crowley gave him a confused look. "I was just saying my catch phrase."

"You can't just yell it out willy nilly, you have to have a reason."

"That idjit don't need no reason to do nothin', the idjit just does whatever he pleases like he's an adult or something, typical of John's boy."

"Bobby?" Both Sam and Dean squealed as they tried to cover themselves. Dean naked on the bed, Sam with his pants on, but his nipples still showing.

"No, it's the goddamn Easter Bunny. Now put on some ding darn clothes boys! This aint no orgy fest!" Bobby obviously hadn't have been in the room moments before, because Crowley pulled out his phone and started showing him the pictures he took of the two boys on the bed.

"Can't say I'm surprised non," was Bobby's only answer to seeing the picture of Cas underneath Dean, glaring up at the ceiling as Dean looked down at Cas with love in his eyes.

"Oh god," Sam said as he searched for his shirt.

"Cas! A little help here!" Dean shouted, still naked. His shirt sat next to him and his pants were just down to his ankles, but he didn't have the energy to actually pull them up and put his shirt on.

"Can it wait? I'm having a moment here! I did you enough favors when I raised you from Hell."

"That doesn't count and you know it! We talked about this, you have to make up for being a dick angel."

"Boo!"

"C'mon! What the hell is that?!" Dean shouted.

"You stupid idjit! Can't you see them?" Bobby pointed his thumb to something behind him. Dean looked over Bobby's shoulder and nearly died from what he saw.

Dean took off his glasses so he could see well.

"Son of a bitch!" Dean shouted while Sam was internally moosing as they both got dressed quickly. Behind Bobby and Crowley were a crowd of people with camera and phones, taking pictures and most likely videotaping. Dean realized they were in a half room and the rest of the room was cut off somehow, he looked up and around and realized, they were in a fake motel room.

"Jensen! Whoo! Misha! Misha!

"Destial!"

"Jared, over here!"

"Cockles!"

"King of Hell!"

"What? I don't get no damn applaud? I'm the best character out of all these idjits on this show dammit!"

"Crap, guys, not again!" Jensen shook his head angrily. "I've been doing this damn show too long." Throwing down his script, Jensen grabbed a crying Misha's hand and dragged him off the bed and towards the fake door, glad that Misha was clothed.

Supernatural has been on for so long, that the Supernatural actors have actually started to act out random scenes that make no sense whatsoever and they actually believe they are their characters.

Jensen's wife has been trying to get him on medication for a while now. "C'mon Jared! We're going straight to the nut house!"

**I don't know guys...I just don't know. I just got done watching movie 43 and plus I was on tumblr...you understand right?**


End file.
